Dee* has been coming to the ranch for a few years, now with her cousin and grandma.  She struggles with depression and anxiety, as so many of our youth do these day.  Some trauma in her past has driven her inward, not speaking much, her eyes cast downward.  The fear of trust can be a powerful deterrent to healing.  It always takes a few weeks of sessions to bring her back out and start to talk, although, I have noticed this last year, it happened sooner.  But she rarely smiles.  

Towards the end of the season this year, I sensed the Lord speaking to me to try playing at liberty.  Dee chose to play with Zip, her favorite horse.  The two couldn't be more different.  Zip is a right brained extrovert, always moving her feet, and not always before she thinks, where Debbie is an extreme introvert, always thinking, but never telling what she thinks.  Because of their temperament differences, I was a bit concerned with taking off Zip's halter, not sure she would be attentive to Dee. But I am learning to listen when God speaks, and not to lean on my own understanding.  

After our chore, Dee and her mentor, Kathy, climbed through the North Stockade fence and haltered Zip.  Zip took her usual advantage of Dee's low energy to grab a few bites of weeds on her way to the round corral. Dee sent Zip through the gate like a pro and led her to the rail to groom her.  As Dee worked through the brushes, Zip's head came down, she yawned and blew out, relaxing under the hands of a trusted friend.  I could see Dee relax, also. enjoying the familiar patterns of stroking Zips back and sides.  

When they finished grooming, Dee and Zip worked through the games, ground exercises we do to establish their connection.  I told Dee I wanted to teach her something new called "Liberty".  I explained that Liberty means freedom and that when we play at liberty with a horse, we take off their halter so we can see if they are willing to obey all by themselves.  This way we can know how connected our horse really is to us and what we need to work on in our relationship. I told her, "You and Zip have a strong connection, are you ready to find out how strong?"  She nodded, though a little unsure.

We removed Zip's halter, hanging it on the fence and moved to the middle of the round corral. I demonstrated how to send Zip out on the circle, just like with the halter.  Watch her ears, see where they're pointing?"  I pointed out how Zip's inside ear was pointed toward us.  "That tells us where her eye is looking.  Now relax your body and dip your shoulder toward her."  Zip immediately turned and came toward us, stopping at arm's length, perfectly.  Dee smiled!!  A real, happy smile!  What a huge response! 

I told Dee to use the carrot stick, a 4' long fiberglass stick with a 1/4" string attached to it, to move Zip back.  "Just push the air in front of her to ask her to back up.' I told her, showing her how to swing the stick between me and Zip's chest.  I handed Dee the stick, and she did the same.  Zip backed up respectfully and attentively, fixing her eyes on her leader.  Dee turned to look at me as if to say, "Wow!  she really listened!"  "Now bring her in", I told her, and Zip came right back.  "Now turn and begin walking with her, weaving through the cones"  There were four orange cones lined up inside the corral.  Dee began walking and Zip walked right at her shoulder.  When Dee turned, Zip turned, when Dee stopped, Zip stopped.  "When  you get to the last cone, go all the way around it and come back through the other way."  Dee turned around the last cone and Zip stuck to her like glue!  Dee looked at me with a smile of pure delight!  What joy to see those smiles!  "Dee, do you know that God smiles just like that when we walk with Him, like Zip just did with you?  You make God smile!"  Zip's head dropped down as she nuzzled Dee's hand.  A gesture of contentment and trust.  Such a precious moment between this treasured girl and her horse.  Both were at peace. 

When talking with Dee after her session, I asked how she felt about it.  She said that she felt at peace and confident.  That Zip wanted to be with he made her feel loved!  She actually answered!  What a joy to see a downward face lifted up and a voice speaking out in confidence!  

Building peace in anxious hearts, sowing seeds of value and love.  That's what God does through the horses and mentors of Open Hand Ranch.  

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known before God and the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Philipians 4:6-7 

​  

It was a beautiful autumn day, the air was cool, the sun hot. *Lyndy walked up the driveway with her grandmother. I knew Lyndy through her family. I knew that her whole family had health issues and that this created a great amount of stress in their relationships. Her smile was stiff and forced, just barely holding back the pain of depression and anxiety. Both very common in young teens these days.


I had prayed when her grandmother signed her up, “Lord, which horse would You have her work with?” His answer was, “Let her choose”. Being the control freak I am, I questioned Him, “Really?” “Yes, really”, was His answer. “OK, Lord, You know what You're doing”, submitted grudgingly. I still fished around in my mind for a good fit. Of course, I really couldn't settle on a horse that I thought would be suitable for this particular session. This is probably why God doesn't tell me too much about the kids. I'd get in the way, if I knew too much.


Lyndy and I commenced our chore for the day. Mucking the Stockade. We talked about school, and her interests in hobbies. School wasn't her favorite thing, and she didn't have any hobbies. She really didn't have any friends, either. The anxiety always made her feel like no one liked her. She liked her church youth group. The youth pastor was great, and she was hopeful she would make friends. We talked about the “manure principle”. Life dumps manure on all of us. Other people sometimes do, to, whether they intend to or not. Sometimes, we even dump manure on ourselves through our own sin nature. Regardless of the source of the manure in our lives, God can make it into wonderful, rich, fertile soil where good things can grow, if we let Him.


We filled our wheel barrow and emptied it at the pile. As we hung up our forks, I asked Lyndy which horse she thought she would like to work with. She pointed to a buckskin mare across the Stockade, indicating Diamond. My eyes rolled upward, and I silently asked again, “Really, Lord?” “Yes, really”.
When she came to us, Diamond's back, left hoof was very long. It wasn't hard to discover why. For some reason, she did NOT want that hoof trimmed. It took our hoof care specialist and me several sessions to get her to pick up that foot respectfully. In fact, Diamond struggled to respect any human. I believe she had been “made to mind” instead of having a relationship cultured. We had worked hard to overcome her reluctance, but each new person she encountered was starting from square one. We only used her for ground work sessions, and then only if she showed signs of wanting to participate. I never would have chosen her for this session.


Not only was Diamond usually disagreeable with new people, she was always hard to catch. Actually, she didn't like to be touched. We almost always went around the Stockade at least twice before she would be caught.


Lyndy grabbed a halter and groom bucket from the tack shed, as I climbed through the fence into the Stockade, hoping I could get her cornered, to make for a quicker catch. As Lyndy followed me in, Diamond walked right passed me, up to Lyndy! I gasped! Diamond had never approached anyone on her own, especially someone carrying a halther! “OK, Lord, show me!” I prayed. He clearly had something special in store for these two.


Lyndy led Diamond to the alley as if the two had been doing this their whole lives. As I showed Lyndy how to brush her with the curry comb, Diamond began to yawn. Big, wide open mouth yawns, releasing stress that was built up from who knows how long. Lyndy and I laughed! And Diamond just kept yawning! I had never seen this horse react this way before. When Lyndy put down the curry comb to get the stiff brush, Diamond shook all over. A giant, full body shake, with dust flying all over! We were both covered, but we didn't care! Then I noticed that Lyndy was smiling! Not the stiff, scared, I can't let you know how bad I hurt smile, but a REAL smile. Relaxed and joyful!


Lyndy finished brushing Diamond, then, I showed her how to pick out Diamond's hooves. She began with the left front, then the right front, then the right back, then, Praise God! The LEFT BACK HOOF! Diamond picked it up FOR her! It was all I could do to not burst into tears! “ Do you have any idea what a miracle this is, Lyndy?!” I told her about Diamond and how she just can't seem to trust anyone, but Lyndy was HER girl! I could see Lyndy's shoulders relax, the tension, anxiety and fear all melting away in the bond being forged between a horse and a girl.


The rest of the session was just as amazing. Diamond stood patiently, calmly, and trusting as Lyndy tossed the string over her back, neck, legs, and rubbed her with the stick. She moved away from pressure, both direct and indirect making beautiful circles in the arena sand. She backed, ears forward, taking direction from her leader, trusting her where she could not see. Then, a circle game, first at a walk, and then trot, with beautiful, smooth transitions both in gate and direction! I had never seen this horse respond so willingly and gracefully! After each exercize, Diamond came in to Lyndy with a nuzzle! The horse that hates to be touched! Diamond would put her nose into the crook of Lyndy's elbow, while Lyndy rubbed her face and ears.


Throughout it all, Lyndy's head raised higher, her shoulders relaxed, her back straightened, her confidence shooting through the clouds! The peace in her face was radiant, like a diamond shining out God's glory! Only Jesus could have known that this sceptical, resistant horse, and this anxious, depressed girl would bond and bring healing to one another on a sunny autumn afternoon. And I had the priviledge of witnessing this miracle! What an honor to be a part of God's powerful work in the hearts of a girl and a horse!


As I said goodbye to Lyndy and her grandmother, I realized, not only does pressure make fertile soil out of manure, it creates diamonds out of coal! We just need to yield to the pressure.




He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus!
Phil 1:6



*name has been changed to protect identity

 My Dad built the desk. Sometime in the '50's or '60's, I think. It took up half the wall in a basement bedroom in the house where I grew up. We never moved it, we just moved in around it. As one child grew up and left home, another would take their place in the bedroom with the desk. The room was never finished. It had cement walls around the outside, and the closet was “roughed in”. I think it was a reminder of just how unfinished our family was. You see, Dad left.


I moved into the bedroom when I was 14. My sister married, and it was my turn. After four teenagers and their friends, the desk was marked with scratches and pen marks, and even some gouges my brother left from an Exacto knife. The right cupboard had a shelf which held anything I didn't want to loose, while the left, with no shelf, was perfect to keep my collection of country music albums. Interestingly, the cupboards had no backs, which was perfect as far as cats were concerned. I would often find a cat curled up just behind my treasures, enjoying the privacy of his “cave”.


Dad left a lot of things unfinished. The basement was partially finished, with wallboard only on the family room side of the wall. The hallway studs were bare. The floor in the basement was cement, which got really cold in the Colorado winters. But most of all, my heart was left unfinished. I was left exposed, like the hallway studs. Empty and bare, with no protection or security. I wrote dozens of desperate, lonely, poems at that desk.


I floundered through my teen and young adult years, desperately seeking that “Daddy Love”. I moved to Cheyenne to escape a town that had outgrown my memories of the time when Dad was there. Then on to Laramie, with the idea that college would fix my life, and maybe that's where I would find love. But it wasn't. Just more rejection and loneliness. I moved home, back into the room with the desk. And I worked and took classes and got drunk almost every night and dated more jerks, and got more heartbroken. Until it was just too much. I quit. I decided to end it. So I took a bottle of pills. Obviously, that didn't work, because I'm here telling you this story.


Then, one night in depression, sleeplessness and agony, I cried out to the God I said I believed in, but wouldn't trust. “All I've ever wanted was someone to love me, to be COMMITTED to me. God, you know that if you give me a man to love me, someone who is committed to me for the rest of my life, I will be committed to him for the rest of my life!”


To my great surprise, He answered! “I died for you. Is that enough?”


Seven simple words that I had always said that I believed. But did I? I had never been willing to put my life, let alone my heart, in the hands of the One Who loves me most. There was only one answer.
And I melted into my Daddy's arms.


The desk became my haven. I sat at it for hours, devouring His Word like love letters to a distant heart. How I loved His Word! When I was at work, it was all I could think of, getting back to that desk and my study of His love for me! My love for Him grew as I began to understand all those Bible verses I learned in Sunday School. They had meaning, and HOPE!


Then, He called me onward, to a new place. I left the desk behind, in my mother's house, and ventured into the great unknown with my Jesus. I met Steve and we married, had four children, then were called to ranch ministry. From Washington to Kentucky to Wyoming. We visited my mom in Fort Collins over the years. Just about all of the kids slept in the room with the desk. It stayed there, never moving. Then a few years ago, Mom went Home. We were there to send her off. She was going to have to move out of the house due to her health, and she chose to go into Hospice instead of Assisted Living. I and my siblings and our spouses were cleaning out the house when Hospice called and said we needed to come quickly. She went home with her family surrounding her, remembering all that she had given us. Faith, hope, and love.


Dad had passed away several years before, alone. From pneumonia. Alcohol and tobacco and hard living had taken their toll. I don't know, to this day, if he ever surrendered to Jesus, although he knew the gospel and we had prayed for him through the years. Only God knew his heart.


The desk he had built came home to Wyoming with me. I sit here, now, writing from this desk. Tomorrow, it will go into the office of Open Hand Ranch, to be used for God's glory in the daily administrative tasks that go with running a ranch ministry. I am in awe of how God uses something so mundane as a desk. Built by my dad, who left me, but REDEEMED by my FATHER who loves me! It's just a desk, ink-stained and dented and flawed, but it will always remind me that what Satan had meant for evil, God will use for good.


All things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28




“

Saturday we had a training session for our volunteers with a couple of kids that have been coming to the ranch for a while.  One of the girls chose to work with Mystery, the other chose Zip.  Now, Mystery and Zip DON'T like each other.  I don't know why, they just don't get along.  Maybe it's their very different personalities, maybe it's because they both want to be Rumor's favorite. Whatever it is they squeal and kick at each other whenever they are alone together.  However, as the girls worked through their games, the horses' attitudes changed. Their heads came down and they fixed their attentions on their "leaders".  Pretty soon they were enjoying their time with girls, they didn't even notice each other, and they seemed to forget their feelings for one another.  In fact, we brought out the Big Green Ball and played a couple rounds of soccer.  The mares focused on their girls' and played well together.  

It got me thinking; how many times could we quell the arguments and frustrations between members of the Church if we would just focus our attention on Jesus instead of each other?  How many divisions and quarrels could be squelched if we chose to focus on our Leader's direction and goals instead of our dislike or misunderstanding of one another.  James identifies the source of quarrels and strife among believers as our own desires, and asking with wrong motives.  In other words, our focus is wrong.  It's on us instead of Jesus and His plans.  Watching the attitude changes in Mystery and Zip as they focused their attentions on the girls instead of their own goals and agendas, I want to remember that living at peace with my brothers and sisters begins with focusing my heart on Jesus, not my plans and agendas.  

My morning routine now consists of waking, feeding the horses grain and hay, mucking out the corral, then turning the growing manure pile.  Doesn't sound real glamorous, but I get plenty of time to talk with God.  And turning a manure pile is a great ab workout!  Lately, I noticed that my shovel-fulls of manure are smelling more like fresh earth.  Fresh, fertile, soil, the kind that grows flowers and food!  Got me to thinking:  Isn't that what God does?  He takes the waste, the rot, the mess, the manure of our lives and He turns it into fertile soil.  The kind that grows stuff!  Sometimes, the manure is what we make in our own lives,

Woe is me, for I am ruined!
Because I am a man of unclean lips
And I live among a people of unclean lips;
For my eyes have seen the King of the LORD of hosts Isaiah 6:5



I have been utterly ruined by the gospel of Jesus Christ! Like Isaiah, I weep with the realization that I have exactly nothing to bring. As Elihu reminds Job, my sin can take nothing away from God's righteousness, my righteousness can add nothing. Absolutely NOTHING about me can change who God is.

In other words, it's not about me! Well, duh! 

I often refer to Natural Horsemanship as the gospel for horses. Not that horses need to be saved, or can be, but that it offers such great illustrations. Pat Parelli regularly reminds students that it's not about the …bridle, saddle, stick, rope, barrel, etc. It's about the RELATIONSHIP. Well here's another llustration. It's not about my... sin, righteousness, service, desire, brokenness, etc. It's about the RELATIONSHIP. It's not that I have anything to offer to God. In fact, I don't have anything to offer to anyone. It's that I belong to HIM!

My mother asked me several months ago, why I raise my hands when I sing praise to God. To tell you the truth, at the time, I didn't have an answer. I just feel compelled sometimes to raise them. But today, I realize that it's because I have absolutely nothing to offer. My hands are empty. I raise my hands as a child to her father because all I have in all this world that matters is that I am HIS! I belong to Him and that is not about me, it's about who God is. I am His rescue.

That is all I have.

And that is MORE than enough!



Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are...

You've told me who I am:
I am Yours!                                       

                                               -Casting Crowns

A couple of  years ago, our family took a trip to Colorado from Kentucky for Christmas, to  visit my mother.  Steve had to work until Christmas Eve, so I packed up the kids  and headed out west a week before.  Just past Topeka, KS, the weather turned  nasty.  Freezing rain and snow, and cars in the median and off the side of the  road. Just before Salina, a tractor-trailer jack-knifed in front of us and flew  off the side of the road, about a hundred feet in front of the Saline River.  It  was pretty scary.    We couldn't really stop, the roads were so slick, that by  the time I could pull over to a stop it would have been far too dangerous to try  to walk back to the scene.  My son called 911 and alerted them to the accident.   I'm sure they were pretty busy that day.   

A few miles  down the road, we were traveling at about 30mph, I hit a slick spot and felt the  back end of the Suburban break loose.  I over-corrected and we spun into a 360,  landing in the ditch.  Apparently, when we spun, I said, “Well, here we go!”  in  a rather calm voice.  I don't remember, but the kids thought it was hilarious.   I just remember recognizing that I had lost control, and our only hope was in  God's protection.  And He protected us.  Despite the weather, the interstate had  its normal amount of traffic.  There were as many cars and trucks on the road that day as I  had seen in mid July.  In that particular spot, in that particular time, there  wasn't another vehicle anywhere near us.  We had miraculously spun out in an  empty pocket. God had placed His hand over us.  We called AAA and a very happy  tow truck operator pulled us out (I'll bet he had a great Christmas!) and we  headed off to Grandma's house.  Five miles on, the sun was out and the roads were dry the rest of the way!

For the  last several months, we've been preparing for our trip to Riverton, to begin  building a cabin on the property.   Because we've never built anything of
consequence before, we've been going slow, seeking advice of those who have, and  researching everything from plumbing systems to roofs.  We've taken it slow,  being in unfamiliar surroundings, and not really sure of ourselves.  Over the  last week, things have really ratcheted up.  We'll be leaving next week to stack  logs and put on a roof.  Praying that we can get everything done while we
are out there.  I've been on the phone with contractors and emailing friends and
relatives and churches.  Checking to see if the company pouring our foundation
can get it done before the logs arrive, then realizing we need anchor bolts in the
concrete, email the log company, “where do the anchor bolts go?”   I have a
whole new respect for general contractors.  Who says men can't multi-task?  

Right now I  feel like there are too many details (which I don't do well) and that things are  spinning out of control.  But God reminded me about that Christmas trip, and I  know that He will handle what I can't.  I can say “Well, here we go!”  with the  confidence that the Creator of the universe has it all under control.  And that  gives me peace.  


Do not be  anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with  thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God that
transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians  4:6-7

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is you true and proper worship.  Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will.                    Romans 12:1-2
(NIV)

 I think I'm finally getting it (famous last words).  God doesn't really care how well I do something, how much I accomplish, how efficient or effective I am.  He cares that I'm with Him.  Is my heart  aligned with His?  Do I care about what He does?  Am I listening to His voice,  am I looking for His direction?   

In the training method we use with horses, we will send them out on a circle.  It is the human's responsibility to set direction and gait (walk, trot, or canter)  and the horse's responsibility to maintain direction and gait until the human gives further direction.  This can be accomplished on line (with a rope) or at liberty (no rope) depending on the connection between horse and human.  That connection can be gauged by whether or not the horse's eyes and ears are toward me, or somewhere else.  This is usually a signal as to how confident he is in my leadership.  Regardless of what else is going on around him, I want my horse's confidence and trust.  Only then will he be a partner in what we're trying to accomplish, whether it's a trail ride or a training demonstration.   

Sometimes the horse needs to spend considerable time out on the circle on line before he actually connects to me mentally.  He has to surrender his body to me first, then his mind can be transformed.  It is only after his body is surrendered, and his mind is transformed (he's looking at me, eyes and ears) that he can determine what my will is.  If I ask him to change direction before his mind is engaged, I will have to exert more pressure to get his attention, then to get him to follow my direction.  If, however, we are connected, the transition is fluid, calm, confident, graceful.   

Like the horse, my willingness to respond correctly to my Father's leadership is a measure of how well I have surrendered, first my body, then my mind, to His will.  Am I confident in His leadership?  Do I trust that He wants good for me?  Am I paying attention?  Even looking for His next direction?  Sometimes I get bored out on the circle and my mind wanders. I get my eyes off of Him.  I start listening to what's going on in the world around me. I get flustered and nervous.  Then He tries to get my attention again, and it takes some pressure, the transition isn't fluid, or graceful, it seems harsh and jerky, not because God is harsh, but because I wasn't connected.  It isn't about what I'm doing or even what I'm supposed to be doing, but about being.  Being with Him, connected
to Him, is how I can know His will.

This isn't the first time I've learned this, and I'm sure it won't be the last, but I am so thankful that my gracious, loving Father is patient with me, willing to teach me the same lessons over and over and over again.  For now, I just want to be with Him.   

I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.   

John 15:5 (NASB)

 I have accustomed myself to the notion that being mature means having it all together.  Responding calmly, with complete confidence in the face of challenges.  Knowing what to do in any given situation.  I'm beginning to think I've been wrong.  
 
I have been viewing maturity like a neat, paned window.  All the panes the same size, completely transparent and clean.  You can see clearly through this window.  If a pane is broken, it must be repaired, replaced, even.  It must be restored to its original condition.


This window lets the light in, exposing the dust and dirt within.  The need for a
room to be cleaned.  But I have different windows in my front door.  There are frosted panes, with beautiful designs, and beveled panes, that when the sun shines through, reveal the true beauty of light.  Color.  Vibrant bands of rainbows dance across any surface on which the light lands.  

Broken glass refracts light, revealing its glory, bringing beauty to the dreary,
dusty, filthy room.  Perhaps maturity is not about keeping those panes perfectly clean and clear, but instead, submitting to the brokenness.  Allowing myself to be shattered.  Letting God put the shattered pieces together in such a way that  I no longer expose the dirt and filth, but instead, reveal the Light's glory.  
 
I've been much too busy focusing on “keeping it clean”  trying desperately to put the broken pieces back into the pane, with minimal visible damage.  Instead, I think God is calling me to just be shattered and let the Glory fall where it may.

 “Being loved by God is one of the most painful things in the world, it's also
the only thing that can bring us to salvation.” - Rich Mullins


 



 

I seem to be having trouble growing up.  I'm already back to James 1:2-4.  Three bulging discs and a bone spur in my neck have attacked my left arm in excrutiating pain.  I am typing now, thanks to the blessing of modern medicine.  Muscle relaxants and pain meds make the pain tolerable, and I'm able to use my hand, until they wear off.  I had great plans for this week.  Clean out the basement, get all the extra stuff out of the house, have a garage sale.  Not now.  Now I'm sitting here trying to think up things I can do to pass the time.  I get bored easily, and my Martha syndrome kicks in. "There's just so much that needs to get done",  my brain tells me.  We need to get the blueprints from the log company and order the logs, and contract with the concrete guy for a foundation, and get an electrician and a plumber, and make arrangements with the utility company to get out to our building site and....  all of which we can't do until we get the blueprints, and the log guy hasn't gotten back to us, yet.  I don't like waiting.  It makes me very aware of how much is out of my control.  So my Father makes me wait.  He knows I need to learn it.  He knows I still need to grow up in patience.  But not only am I waiting for others, but now there's not much I can do to distract me while I'm waiting!  Perhaps the lesson is not about waiting, so much as it's about not always doing?  Perhaps, it's not about waiting on God, but waiting with God.  Not that He's waiting for things to happen, but that He is putting me in th postion where there's nothing else I can do but sit with Him.  Maybe growing up isn't so much about having all the right responses to life's situations, but about just taking advantage of life's situations to bring them to my Father.  To bring Him my fears and pain and lonelinesses.  To share with Him my joys and delights and victories.  What if, instead of trying to be patient, I just hung out with God while I wait for the things on my list that I can't controll?  Isn't that what growing up is really all about?  How can I become more like Christ, if I don't spend time with Christ? 

But speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ.
Eph. 5:14